Barbie's little world

Kenya’s Tipping Point: From Peace to Turmoil

Woman sitting on floor clutching her chest with teary eyes indoors

“Kenya is a peaceful country. It is one of those few countries enjoying imense peace in the region and should not be taken for granted. You should be proud and thank God everyday that you are not at war because when the piece is gone, you will only feel it from a distance´´. These are the words of Fr. Antony Clark then my parish priest on his homily one of the beautiful sundays in church during my primary school days.

Fast foward to today, those words still echo in my mind. If someone told me at one given time in my life we as a country would yearn for tranquility we had back in the days ,then i would not have given a listening ear. Just how much is at stake for us as a country? How much learning do we have to undertake for us to have the needed leaders in our country? How did we arrive at this point, one would ask? Who will save us from this wreckage we have in form of a country?

As a country, we are currently the cynosure of not just East Africa, but almost the entire world. Our steps are being watched, each move we make is like a ticking time bomb. Yet, we do not realize it, instead we choose to point fingers at one another and might i add justifiably so but at what cost? we are quick to help the neighbours extinguish their fire while in our own backyard the fire is a so much a blaze threatening to burn us all. We did not attain a collpasing economy a year ago but it is something we have been warming up to for a decade now. The high taxes, increased mortgage, high cost of living, all these are the consequences of the choices we made right from 2013.

When your favorite two brothers returned from the ICC, the mountain together with their home of champion neighbours decided they have a point to prove to their lakeside brothers.They wanted to take the enigma home. Our very own Tinga whom they famously baptized as mganga. They danced, cheered and jeered in equal measure when the results were out. ‘Mtu wetu’ syndrome filled the air and our perenial loser as they constantly referred to him was to retire to Opoda farm. The aftermath? huge sums of loans taken from China who enjoyed monopoly in the African continent , huge sums were stolen in equal measure. Development was partially done to those who supported the government of the day (wenye nchi) while we lost lives in the streets fighting for a better, fair and just Kenya. When the sinking ship was almost hitting rock bottom, the lord of poverty was called upon to save the shipwreck and being the statesman that he was, he heeded to their call and got the wreckage back after sweat and blood in the streets. It was evident that they neede him to save businesses from taking a downward spiral and stop the bloodshed from the mayhem they caused.

Then came 2022. It was a race between ‘Dynasty and hasora’ that is the bourgeois versus the proletariat. The wheelbarrow narative filled the air waves, people chanted about the god chosen one. We were reminded of how the ‘Lord of poverty’ had lost his relevance in politics and was to take a bow and exit the stage. Finally, the results were announced, it was indeed a desolate day for some of us . we were downcast and somber. We dealt with diarrhoea, nausea and serious chest pains, some of us gasped for air because the pain was enormous that it was so hard to breath properly. Tears shed that day would fill up a river yet the other side danced their hearts out. Sounds of ululation filled the air. They reminded us how it was ‘maombi siyo uchawi’. They constantly shamed us with povertness and swore how we will continue languishing in poverty. They went further to remind us that ‘Kenya ina wenyewe’ and our only place is in the streets for ‘mandamano’. While all these was going on the air was thick with grief, there was danger and silent cry for help lurking in the shadows. No one dared to say it loud at the time but deep down we all knew that the day of reckoning is not deep in the yonder but close by waiting for the right time to strike.

Some of us vowed to help keep their person in power until the end of his term. The famous KBB slogan didn’t sart today but on the day they were ushered into power. I am wondering why the sudden change of tune? why are they so adamant that we join them?Agwambo is being blamed for not observing table manners at a time when the country is in turmoil, he has been accused of wrecking the country yet this is something that begun a decade ago. They want us to sing Wantam(one term) song when it is convinient for them. When our brothers and sisters were dying under their watch including baby Pendo, the super CS backthen said ‘the police are doing their job and will continue to do so as long as there are goons on the streets. They called us goons, baby pendo was equally a goon in her mother’s house. They mocked our grass thatched houses and condemned us for not embracing civilization. Our only sin? belonging to a particular ethnic group.

How are we supposed to forget all the years of name calling, shame, propaganda. deceit and labeling that we have endured over the years? How are supposed to embrace the same people who regarded us as good for nothing apart from stone throwing? How do we move on swiftly and forget the chest pains that almost sent us to our maker, the jeering and being sacked from jobs they felt we don’t deserve?

We need to heal as a country but that sounds like a farfetched dream because we can not simply forget, we can not look past the hurt and act like everything is okay. Right now the drumbeats of war are calling, the sound of revolution is in the air and we need to listen to its rhythm. We need to act fast because war is just as expensive as peace is. The words boldly written in the air are THE CENTER CANNOT HOLD. When we read between the lines we will realise that we are not far from revolution or anarchy. Maybe then our men’s genitalia shall finally find rest.

Podcast Episode: The Presidential Denominator

Pip: Barbie's little world — where the posts are anything but small, and the questions being asked are the kind that stay with you.

Mara: Today we're covering work from SantaB, and the territory is political grief — specifically what happens when an election goes the wrong way and a country has to live with the consequences.

Pip: Let's start with the election that left wounds too deep for a news cycle to close.

The Presidential Denominator

Mara: The post opens in the aftermath of Kenya's last general election — not as a political analysis, but as something closer to a personal reckoning with collective loss.

Pip: And the framing is right there in the language. The post describes a figure known as Agwambo — someone built up over years as statesman, Pan-Africanist, fearless warrior — and then names what his opponents actually reduced him to: "he was just a presidential denominator working hard to prove their point all along."

Mara: That phrase does a lot of work. A denominator is the number everything else divides by — useful, load-bearing, and almost invisible. His adversaries weren't just opposing him; they were reframing his entire political existence as instrumental to their own narrative.

Pip: And the post is clear about how that narrative won. It wasn't on merit. The political contest shifted from competence to class — bourgeoisie versus proletariat, dynasty versus hustler — and once that framing took hold, the argument was already over.

Mara: The post describes the aftermath with real texture. People retreating from social gatherings, boycotting mainstream media, immersing themselves in work. These aren't abstractions — they're the specific, quiet ways a community absorbs a result it didn't see coming and couldn't immediately process.

Pip: What's striking is the post doesn't wallow. The grief is real and named, but the final beat turns toward consequence rather than despair — the idea that the victory itself carried the seeds of its own unraveling.

Mara: The post puts it directly: "the cries would be loud than the celebrations, the silence would be a nuisance than the noise, their victory would turn to failure in the long run." The hustler lit a fire he couldn't sustain, and what remained was smoke — thick enough, the post says, not to blind people but to force their eyes open.

Pip: There's something almost classical about that arc. You win by selling fear and illusion, and the illusion is what eventually burns you.

Mara: The post frames it as a sovereign reckoning — economic standing, values, education — not just a single electoral outcome but a turning point whose full cost is still being counted.

Pip: Political grief and long memory — turns out those travel pretty well across borders.

Mara: The questions here about narrative, class, and who gets to define a leader's legacy don't have easy answers. Worth sitting with until next time.

The Presidential Denominator

In the last general election in my country Kenya, many people were left with deep wounds. Wounds that cannot be healed with any ray of hope,wounds so deep piercing through the heart all the way to the spine rendering one paralysed for a good number of days. Just when we were getting comfortable things took a different turn for the worst.

The political drumbeat changed. The rhythm was no longer staccato,but legato. The political enigma was not to be anymore. The Colossus of politics,the true warrior in the political arena was no longer the people’s favourite. Because some people felt they could make that decision for everyone without putting into consideration the feelings of the masses.

Over the years he’s been described exquisitely with the parties that love and hate him in equal measure. He’s been described as a true state’s man, a Pan-Africanist,a real democrat, a fearless warrior and the political enigma in the realms of politics. He’s seen it all and suffered a great deal to ensure that our democracy is at where it is right now. He has fought for the freedom we enjoy today, a thankless job that only earns you adversaries both in the long and short run. He has loyal foot soldiers who have shown him unwavering loyalty, doing grassroots labor and form his core base foundation in his party’s active membership. But amidst all these, he was not the favorite, not because any of it is true but the political wave in Kenya changed its course. It was no longer about who can do the job better but about the bourgeoisies versus the proletariat. And this was the beginning of our dowfall, our downfall as a sovereign state, our downfall as economic giants in the region, our downfall in our values and belief system and our downfall in our education system. Sad as it was, there was no changing course because the hustlers had spoken and their `messiah´ as they claimed had been born. This was truly a dark day for my country, a feeling that was downplayed by most but was slowly brewing and would later come back to bite us.

During campaigns Agwambo appealed to the masses, he won people’s hearts and earned a great deal of followers over time. While most of us thought he was the man for the job, his political adversaries held a dissenting view. They were not on board with the idea of him being the man of the hour. To them, he was just a presidential denominator working hard to prove their point all along. They worked so hard to keep their narrative alive, selling people fear and doom and as we all know the highest bidder won, not because they had a favourable price but because they had it all twisted in the people’s mind. Hurt as some of us were, it was out of our control, we had to nurse our wounds, going forward. We retreated, some of us boycotted the mainstream media because conditions were not favourable. While some imersed themselves in work, others opted to stay indoors to reduce the amount of time spent in social gathering to get closure and work on the best possible way to heal. It was heart wrenching and nerve wrecking because the outcome was not one that most of us had anticipated because this time it looked like a sure bet but surreal at the same time, because almost all forces were behind the enigma but oh boy!it was all a hoax from the beginning.

But one thing was for sure a lot remained to be seen, the cries would be loud than the celebrations, the silence would be anuisance than the noise, their victrory would turn to failure in the long run. they would later cry for dynasty because the hustler lit the fire and realised that he would not keep the fire burning for so long and so the only option left? to extinguish. And all was left was smoke thick enough not to turn one blind but to open their eyes so wide that they would see light even in total darkness.

MY ALKEBULAN DREAM

Africa,my mother land,my treasure,my all time person.

she’s sleek from a far but quite rocky on the inside.

Sleek in all manner of firms, beautiful in all aspects. Her beauty lies in the snow-capped mountains, the stunning volcanoes and the amazing sunset deep in the yonder.

She posses the breathtaking seas and oceans,the atlas mountains and the islands.

She boasts of lushing canopies, waterfalls and vegetation.

The jagged landscape makes her one of a kind in the globe. Not forgetting the sprawling valleys at the foot of the mountains.

The crowded streets are her unique features, describing how welcoming and hospitable she is,

The luxurious hotels offer a conforming ambience to her visitors.

As the beach resorts and the wild attracts her revenues from all corners of the world.

With the outstanding oceans openly displaying her blue waters for all to appreciate the wonderful sceneries in my motherland created by the Almighty God.

She is rich of untapped resources with modern cities such as Luanda being abundant in Africa.

The busy roads tell how committed her people are towards achieving their dreams

while the wind-swept areas describe the resilience of her people with a fighting spirit to overcome the daily life’s challenges.

Her open fields gives the wild a space to feed themselves with a serene atmosphere to breed and mate as they await the morning sunshine to usher in a new dawn.

Her diverse culture and multi-lingual nature tops it all from the Maasai of Kenya, Zulu of South Africa and the Igbos of Nigeria.

Her ability to create an environment of people with different languages to be able to understand each other is more than fascinating.

As a young person, growing up in Africa was interesting. I had a colourful childhood. Full of juicy and funny moments. I was rich in thoughts and passionate about everything. I had pleasant but spiky friends leading to my bittersweet experiences. Thus, creating a hot environment making it hard for me to dream hence, my unrealised ALKEBULAN DREAM.

I still believe in my Alkebulan Dream. I dream of a free Alkebulan.

Free from slavery and extortion

Free from corruption, dictatorship and neocolonialism,

I dream of a continent with fully tapped resources,an all-inclusive Africa.

I dream of a continent that gives voice to her youth,

Africa that leaders don’t forcefully and chest-thumpingly cling to power,

I dream of a continent guided by values, democracy and a free hungry power Africa,

Africa free from greedy leaders,an Alkebulan that believes in equity,

An Alkebulan that would encourage creativity and innovation to do away with braindrain.

I dream of a day where the voices of the poor will be considered powerful.

A dream that one day Africa will not be a slave to other nations.

I dream of a continent not divided because of territorial waters nor separated by mere landmarks and boundaries but a united Africa capable of handling her issues and challenges without a fight or broken diplomatic ties.

I dream of a continent that will be able to voice out her concerns and stand firm by her decisions.

I dream of an Alkebulan where women will be able to fight in the same space as men and the youth shall be given what they deserve not imaginary positions created to mask their eyes that they belong within the same space as those in power

I dream of a continent where the elderly act as role models to the younger generation. My dream is to see Africans staying true to their culture and not being influenced with cultures they practically know nothing about. A continent where we support each other’s stories, dreams, ambitions, achievements and embracing failure as a stepping stone towards success. A continent where we are our own cheerleaders. I dream of a better Africa.

This is my ALKEBULAN DREAM.

A Marriage of Convenience.

Relationships are bound by love,trust and loyalty. When the three pillars are present, then the rest will definitely fall into place and flow naturally. “We can improve our relationship with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics”. Joyce Meyer. In any marriage relationship, there are good and bad times,you can be off to a rocky start but with time you learn to build each other. You can start on a very high note but then later in life the thorns,the mountains and rocky roads along the way can prove hard to maneuver but with a positive mindset it can turn out to be abed of roses depending on the angle you view it from. Marriages are not for the faint-hearted but the strong willed. It is for the fighters and ground breakers. Marriages are for the pacesetters.

Like in every other marriage,the political blueblood also get to marry. Theirs is a marriage of convenience only done out of political gains which later results into a messy divorce. There is a lot of political bickering going on in the country currently,which has yielded a lot of chaos and confusion. The political pace has been set, the music played for the groom is almost coming to an end and humming is the only sound left to be heard. The bride’s music is still brewing and is being played slowly but surely, yet on a very high key note but the wedding bells are yet to be rung to notify the guests on the grand entry of the bride.

What we are experiencing in the country with our political leaders especially those in key positions is sad if not terrifying. These are people that were once in a political marriage,they called each other friend,they were ride or die for each other. They were inseparable, at least that’s the picture they portrayed to the public. If it wasn’t out of convenience they formed the fabulous duo,then they would have been together today bound by trust,loyalty and friendship. Sadly, it was convenient for them at the time to join hands and become one in their union. A union that was never meant to see the day.

Political marriages in Kenya are quite common and are never formed on a solid foundation rather formed out of spite. Everyone wants to have a share of the national cake but are never patient nor loyal enough to wait for their time. They are always in a hurry to have a bite like a cheating husband in a hurry to have a quickie with the “other woman”. It’s a sorry state for the nation especially for the common man because they are the ones feeling the heat and will pay dearly for the outcome. If you ask me, I would say these political marriages ought not to be there in the first place. They cause havoc, give the co-owners sleepless nights and later become bitter herbs to swallow leaving sour tastes in their mouths. These marriages break the young politicians,aspiring politicians,they discourage political amateurs and wreck wannabes in politics because it’s never a silver lining while climbing your way up. It requires energy,focus, discipline, wisdom, great interpretation skills and experience for you to join the crème dela crème in politics. Most importantly you need to have a checkmate to always keep you on the move. That is when you can be sure to have made it among the political elites.

Just like love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies,so is politics. You need each other to make it work and get to the top. You don’t need political marriage formed out of convenience to succeed otherwise you will fall out and when that day comes,it will crush you so hard to the ground, break your bones into fine powder like a grinder does to metallic stuff and the pain will be excruciatingly unbearable to a point you’ll be sent into oblivion without your realization.

Weaver Fawn once said,” the greatest marriages are built on teamwork, a mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration and a never ending portion of love and grace”. This is how these political marriages should be built not out of convenience. With teamwork and mutual respect,there comes in trust and with trust there is loyalty. ” Life has taught me that you can’t control someone’s loyalty. No matter how good you are to them,doesn’t mean they’ll treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you,doesn’t mean they’ll value you the same. Sometimes the people you love the most turn out to be the people you can trust the least”. Those were Trent Shelton words. Because, a marriage of convenience only favour the soldiers at war who are no longer with their spouses,it favours the hit and run men,a marriage of convenience only favour the contemptuous in the society,the sadists and the chauvinists of this world.

Guest Post: Losing a Family Member to the Bethel Cult

Wondering Eagle

This is a story about losing a family member to the Bethel Church cult in Redding, California. Its about someone who works in the medical profession who is skeptical about COVID because Bethel was first. This story in the view of this blog is about a strained relationship and how Bethel causes harm not only to the community of Redding but also to families as well.

View original post 1,409 more words

Which tune would you dance to if given a chance?

To say politics is a dirty game is an understatement. Kenyan politics is a top notch higher. It is filled with propaganda, deceit,malice,threats and fraud. All these are served in a plate. Unfortunately, there are some who can take it in all that any time of the day. While others are not able to stomach it at all. The air is currently filled with dirty politics and propaganda. Just like Groucho Maxx once said, politics is the art of looking for trouble,finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Such are the antics of our politicians. Recently the tunes and beats are BBI and most people are excited at the drop of reggae tunes accompanying BBI referendum. The major theme in the political arena is the politics of succession and the drumist is enjoying the political flow of events. One would think we’re in the electioneering period.

John Adams once said, ‘Government is instituted for the common good: for the protection, safety, prosperity and happiness of the people;and not for the profit,honor, or private interest of any one man, family, or class of men. Many countries are busy working round the clock to bring back their economies, but the Kenyan government is busy paving way for the BBI referendum. As a country and the citizens of this great motherland, we expected a great economic come back instead of an enormous political comeback. People lost their jobs,companies suffered huge loses and setbacks and businesses were ruined as a result of the Corona novel. The government ought to have come up with strategies and backup plans to ensure those fired from their jobs are reinstated and move on with their livesas before. The government should restore sanity to the people and ensure we are back to where we were before economically. There should be evonomic strategies between the government and companies, private sectors and various institutions in ensuring that steady flow of businesses and government activities.

In the political rallies, the crowd is unfathomable. Lest I forget, the WHO standards are also not adhered to. We have completely forgotten there is an ongoing pandemic and one may be excused for asking if the virus is truly with us. As Patriots of this nation albeit we all want economic growth. We want our lives improved and poverty fought by all means. Every one of us has a responsibility in ensuring the country is developing and we all experience personal growth we can be proud of. But the politicians (leaders) are acting contrary to our expectations. There is lots of politics and propaganda going on to an extent they have forgotten their sole duty to the citizens which is service. Some think they are in those offices by their own right, others by might,while others feel entitled to those offices yet most of them are there for personal selfish gains without really serving the interest of the people who elected them.

If I am to choose between politics and economic development/freedom,I would go for the latter. I would dance to the tunes of economic Freedom,I would dedicate all my time towards achieving economic growth whether at a personal or national level. Economic tunes are sweet to the ears and leaves a desired taste to the mouth. Its fragrance is pleasing to the nose and the results are appealing to the eyes with a feeling of satisfaction. I believe we would all go for the economic path to have financial freedom because we all need it as a country and not the political theatrics we are experiencing in this country today.

INTERNATIONAL YOUTH DAY

August 12 every year is a remarkable day in the calendar for the young people. It is World Youth Day. A day set aside for every young soul that exist or ever existed on planet earth. It is a day set aside to recognize the talents and achievements of the youth. It is also a day used to plan and determine what more can be done for the youth in order to ensure their sustainability and responsibility in the society. On this auspicious day, different organizations and governments worldwide recognize and reward the efforts of the youth towards development, leadership and decision making process in various sectors and fields they specialize in. This is the day the youth show case their talents and achievements as well as innovations to the world not for recognition but building each other up. It is a way of encouraging young people that anything can be achieved if you set your mind on doing it. That each and every person has a potential bestowed deep within them and through sacrifice, determination and resilience you can be all you want to be however long it takes.

However, today being an important day to the young people, there are some who have lost their lives under different circumstances. There are those who have died as a result of prolonged illness, others died of natural causes while some have died due to negligence. A young, brave, hardworking and enduring youth just lost his life today in the morning. This was a young man who has grown up in hardship and understands perfectly what it truly mean. Faced a lot of challenges while studyingand even paid his own school fees in highschool. He ventured and it is what helped him go through highschool. He did help his brothers and sisters as well being the first born. I must admit that his hands were truly blessed. He planted tomatoes, vegetable of all kinds, sweet potatoes, pumpkin and other cash crops which earned him much respect as a matter of fact. He understood what farm work really is and set his mind on doing it right always. At the time of harvest, he had bumpy harvest and his mama sold these foodstuffs to the community around and that is how they have lived to date.

Unfortunately, the cruel hands of death had no mercy on him. Death didn’t care about who he was, how much he suffered to be where he is today. Death didn’t give him one last chance to enjoy and appreciate his hard work. Death took him lime a whirlwind. Death came unannounced to him. Took him swiftly but painfully. He didn’t see it coming, for it was fast but very heartbreaking because he died instantly. Not anywhere cozy or a place people prefer to die at, the hospital or in their homes. His was a roadside death. An accident that claimed his life and that of his cousin. May their souls rest in eternal peahe.

Assuming his death was a case of negligence because he was driving motorcoon a busy highway and not all drivers that drive big or small vehicles have a conscious. Being a world youth Day, I believe there is still a lot of things that need to be done and addressed to the youth and one of them is making them aware of the dangers and risks involved with motorcycles especially if you are not a well-trained driver.The youth need a lot of sensitization on this. I know for a fact that many are aware of the risks attached to a motorcycle but have turned blind eye and let the warnings fall into deaf ears. Why? Because some do not care and want to live a care free life without being monitored, others have simply resorted to being rebels, while others act under the influence of peer pressure, alcohol and drugs but a majority have the feeling of wanting to belong in that circle of “yeah I can ride a motorbike ” with all the speed and adrenaline they posses. Being a tragic and unexpected death for all that knew him, sometimes I think it is important to heed to the inner voice as difficult as it may seem. Better yet, heed to the call and warnings of our parents because their words sometimes may be a bitter pill to swallow but can be very toxic if not taken into consideration. Our parents know and understand us more than we do ourselves. But a youth being the boss he thinks he is assumes the generational gap is a key to ignoring and sieving the information they get from parents. This should also be made known to the young people that they still need guidance however grown they might be. Sometimes the guidance is better learned and achieved through parents, mentors and anyone you consider a role model. These people should act as the pillars on your life giving you direction where you err.

Being a world youth Day, this is the day governments worldwide need to ensure that every ministry in the government organize a function inclusive of the young people. This will help in identifying their strengths and capabilities under different sectors. As such great talent is tapped and fully utilized. This will also ensure the youth are actively involved in government’s operations and activities, understand how these ministries operate and what goes into each in terms of intellectual intelligence, finance and manpower, the challenges encountered and how they are handled and most importantly what happens in every docket within a ministry. This will boost the morale of young people, increase their self-esteem and will have a sense of belonging in their countries and feel much appreciated by their governments.

As a youth it is your responsibility to take charge of your life and be accountable for every action and decision you make. Accept to be helped where you can’t, embrace failure as part of growth and pick up one more time to move forward. Don’t give up trying and look up to people who can assist you identify and nurture your talents and gifts. Consider your weaknesses as a stepping stone and your strengths as the landing ground. Be optimistic always and pursue your dreams with everyittle chance and energy you have keeping in mind that it is never a smooth ride, for success is not for the fainthearted but for the strong in mind, body and soul not forgetting the will power. Be safe and always remember God is above everything and everyone else. Happy World Youth Day.

Pain

Sit with the pain until it passes,and you will be calmer for the next one,one of the writers once said that. Calm never comes that easy one has to work for and earn it and it is always by way of pain that one arrives at pleasure. So what really is pain?

Pain is when you lose a son tragically when you never anticipated it. You miss him until it hurts. You ask yourself questions without answers. Pain is when you go into depression and don’t realize it. You’re faced with suicidal thoughts,you resort to withdrawal and all of a sudden nothing really matters. Everything and everyone annoys you. Pain is when you become angry at the world without a reason. Pain is going through a loss without strength and direction and simply giving in to it.

Pain is seeing your sister hurt deeply and there is little you can do about it. Her eyes tells it all, she is helpless, angry and dull every minute of the hour. You can see through her and all you feel and see is a resigned attitude towards the pain. Pain is when all the so called solutions you had for her are nothing but additional problems. Pain is when you see her make decisions that will hurt her in the long run but can’t talk her out of it. But support.

Pain is seeing your mama’s face defeated. Seeing her struggle everyday to give you quality education with hope that one day you will be independent. Pain is seeing her tears roll when she talks of the struggles she’s faced to protect her children. Pain is seeing her give you the best in life despite being a single mum for such a long time after losing her husband. Pain is seeing her lie in that hospital bed in excruciating pain with a strong spirit like that of a warrior. Pain is seeing yourself defeated to help your mama due to joblessness in spite of her sacrifices to educate you. Pain is seeing your mama smile with sadness in her eyes amidst all the misery. Pain is not being there for her as you would wish to.

Pain is seeing your friends walk away from you. Some see you as a burden,some as a loser while others see you as a sorry state. Pain is listening to your friend judge and speak ill of you in absentia forgetting there is always a mole in a circle of friends. Pain is meeting your friends and some of them pretend not to know you while others act like they forgot about you the moment they got their jobs. Pain is seeing your friends elevate themselves in life while you’re still struggling to get something stable to do. Pain is when your friends invite you out if you decline you got no money to spend and esteem issues if you accept all they talk about is their big investments with you in the picture but non existent. Pain is when some of your friends call to to inform you that they can get you a job but at a price. That you have sex with the manager first. Now that is pain.

Pain is seeing the business politicians with ears standing out like the antennae of a mini-television and round potbellies like a pumpkin seek for safe haven in offices and fail to serve their constituents. Pain is seeing the Covid19 funds go to waste without serving the intended purpose. Pain is seeing government donations given to area chiefs to assist the needy instead those who see themselves special and think they matter so much are the beneficiaries. Pain is seeing how the citizens of this country do not really care that there is a pandemic and go about their businesses casually instead of adhering to the new normal. Because to them there is no pandemic.

Today my forest is dark. Filled with thorns and dark caves that are impenetrable. The trees are sad because they are almost losing their value and all the butterflies in my forest have broken wings. It’s only a matter of time before my forest is filled with light,before my life blooms like flowers after the winter. To every person going through something tough, know that you are not alone,you will come out a victor,you will blossom and your face will be all smiles once again. As they say no pain no gain. After the storm there is calm and one thing is for sure nothing lasts a life time.

It’s Okay not to be Okay.

We all have our moments in life when we experience our highs and lows. There are times I feel I am ready for anything, a times I feel like I can take down the whole jungle. Other times I feel like I am Usain Bolt. Quite energetic and rejuvenated feeling like I can shoulder the entire world’s problems. But then again, these moments are normally short lived. I get back from my own world creation,from my ideal world back to reality.

That is the time I realize it’s never that serious and neither is it easy as it may seem. All I need is to accept the current reality and press on like any other normal person in this huge planet of ours. As I brace myself for this mystery called life.

Sometimes I wake up and feel like giving up. I feel like I’m carrying the entire world war one and two in my shoulders. The unresolved issues of cold war and the entire Kenyan problems of corruption and tribalism are all pressed inside me at that time. I try to convince myself it’s okay to want to give up,it’s okay to be weary and weak. It’s okay to be emotional and be all over the place. In my mind I have everything organized and well laid out for me to carry them out imagining how well prepared I am for everything. But in reality everything is a razzle-dazzle at the time.

When all is said and done…I sure believe that life is full of surprises. Full of twists and turns. One moment you’re happy and the next minute you’re all gloomy looking like a mourner. But it’s okay to feel all that,and I have come to appreciate that it’s okay not be okay. Why? Because there are times when I’m not myself. However hard I try to downplay the feeling,it keeps nagging me. That is the time someone greets and asks if I’m okay. How do you reply to that? Do you show them you’re truly not okay and reply with an all smiley face that you’re doing just fine? Or do you just assume them and concentrate on your moody self? Whichever way you deem it right suits you better. On the other hand, I don’t know how to pretend. If I’m not okay I’ll simply let you know so that you don’t bother me. I’m not such a pleaser that I would want to appease your spirit simply because you thought it wise to say hi when I’m not in my usual self. It’s okay to let others know when you’re not okay so you don’t see them as a nuisance at that time.

In all these low moments in my life,I accept myself and allow the feeling to flow so that I don’t confuse myself more. I give in to the razzmatazz of the moment. I allow myself to flow with the wind. I give myself the opportunity to feel vulnerable and weak because it all comes as a package of being human. And as humans we go through stages in life as long as we breath in air. Because after the storm,there is calm. There exists peace and tranquility. The serenity of the mind can be felt even from a distance after experiencing the waves and low moments in one’s life. I am only human.

The Beauty of Simple Gestures?

Not many of us appreciate the little gestures we come by in life and the nitty gritty that makes us human. A smile for instance can take us a long way. Imagine a world where everybody was frowning and every person you meet a long the way looks like they just came from a wake. How would it be like? A Thank you gesture which most of us don’t value at all means a lot too. Some feel they are entitled to the gifts and presents they receive while some deem it as a right to be treated kindly by others but not as a privilege. Well…I’m sorry to disappoint you. It’s never really about you so be polite and take your time and cherish everything around you. Sorry word which more often than not is underrated by individuals yet has a great value and meaning in our daily lives is truly precious.

It doesn’t hurt to say sorry when you’re wrong. It doesn’t kill to be sorry when the other party feel aggrieved with your actions. Neither does it take a way your humanity as a person when you’re sorry and empathise with your fellow when they are facing challenges in their lives. Because as Bob once wrote a person’s a person no matter how small.

Then the most overlooked and misunderstood word is love. Love is a beautiful thing to feel and experience and it means a lot to us as a people. Though with the current generation, love has almost lost its meaning. I also want to believe that there are a few people left who truly understand what love means. Like the love of a mother towards her children. A love so pure, a love so real, a love so tender, a love capable of healing all wounds, a love not forced but so natural as the environment. A love so wild like a wildflower yet the feel of it soothes and gladdens the heart. A mother’s love is a love that should be savoured like the taste of salt in a rich soup. That is a mother’s love for you. Talking of a mother’s love doesn’t mean I disregard fathers love but it’s just that I felt short of a father’s love because nature dictated so in my early teens. But, I believe father’s also genuinely love their children especially their daughters.

Many are the times we take it for granted that someone love us…and can go an extra mile just for love. But sadly,that same love is never reciprocated in equal measure. We only realise later after letting go rather hurting the people around who loved and cared genuinely for us…and it’s normally a little too late when we come around how much pain we caused our loved ones.

It’s not by chance nor is it by coincidence that there are those who love us. Some yearn for affection, others seek for attention until they are thought to be schizophrenic yet it’s never the case. We all long for love. From our families, friends,colleagues and above all from God. Some are also in dire need for compassion. Yet, those who have all these and more take it for granted and think it is a right they are entitled to. Some use that love to their advantage, while some simply don’t value the love at all. There comes a time when those who didn’t value that love yearn and long for it. They live their god forsaken lives miserably. Some seek it to the end of the world yet are never lucky. Others do end up in the wrong hands after wasted years of genuine love since they feel lonely and want to belong once more. Why? Because they had it and never took the Chance to make a Choice and Change(3Cs) their lives when they had the opportunity. Others resort to violence since they never truly felt the love they needed and sadly some end up having inner conflict for a greater part of their life time.

So if I were you I would take a leap of faith to cherish every bit of the little things that make us human. The things that make us happy and the little things that make us smile to the world and make it a better place to live in.

Words Alone are Not Enough

Life tends to hit where it hurt the most. When that happens we loose focus,direction and hope . We completely give up and give in to the pain. Not because we want to but because we feel defeated. We let our emotions take the better part of us and sorrow becomes the daily bread.

The death of these young souls got me thinking and it has taken me back to a place where I’d rather not find myself in. A place that is more like a limbo…a place where no one wants to go to. A place we all hide from, a place that is not for the faint hearted.

That is a place that requires strength, bravery and a lot of faith. Being in the shoes of their parents is not an easy thing. It is a situation no one wishes to find themselves in but sadly,the law of nature dictates so. Losing a young soul is not easy to deal with. One is left with lots of questions than answers. Answers that you will seek for the rest of your life but you will never find. Instead what one meets with is misery, anger,pain that deepens each day. The pain leaves a wound so fresh like vegetables that have just been plucked from the garden.

Words alone are not enough to express one’s emotions and anxiety. The wishful thinking never stops and the stomach ache never ends. Like a lion so angy when it’s hungry one can easily pound at someone at the mention of something they don’t like. That is the time that aggression is real, temperatures are all over and tantrums become your cup of tea. Peace becomes scarce just like money is and you even forget who you really are. You embrace a different personality all together. Solitude becomes your companion and you forget about the people who care for you. You live in your own world and the only people that exist in that imaginary world is just you and your illusions.

The loss of a young soul is hard to deal with. There exists a lot of what IFs, questions that only God can answer. Each passing day seems like eternity and the thought of you never seeing them again brings ” butterflies ” to your stomach and goosebumps all over your body. You can shut your eyes from the world,scream as much as you want,sing all the crazy songs you know,buy yourself new clothes and shoes to fill the gap left but the pain will always be there. You will never forget how it felt with him being around and now that he is gone. The fact that you will never hear him speak or laugh, never to see his smile,never laugh at the silly things he does and never hear him calling you mama makes it worse.

The only thing one is left with are memories. Memories to treasure and cherish. Memories to hold onto until that time that you will meet again in another world. It is only his memories that keep you sober and sane. But there is never anything like moving on. Because the pain stays with you, the hurt never stops and you never forget them either. One can only learn to live with the pain,cope with the hurt and laugh just to help you forget for a while. Because a mark that is left in your heart when you lose a young soul is like written in an indelible ink,a permanent mark that can never be erased. My heart goes out to all the parents who lost their children in the stampede and quick recovery to the ones injured.